Okay, so this supposed to be a blog about the Magic of Maia and Evie. And, in large part, it will be. As Daddy will be quick to confirm, I'm pretty opinionated in general, and particularly so when it comes to parenting. I don't always get the chance to talk with other parents about parenting issues, etc. And so... some of these issues (and my rambling thoughts!) will likely end up here. This is one such case.
Anyone who knows us is probably familiar with Maia's sleep history... it's not great. I mostly blame myself. As anyone who's ever been pregnant (or married to someone pregnant) knows, pregnancy is a magical time when everyone under the sun wants to tell you the most horrible birth story they've ever heard and offers you tons and tons and tons of unsolicited advice. (Luckily, pregnancy is a wonderful time when it's very easy to forget... everything!) And it was no different for me. People on the street would stop me and ask me at what hospital I was planning to deliver, was I being careful to avoid eating any and all fish, did I know that if I could kiss my own elbow it meant my baby would never be cross-eyed? (Okay, I'm making the last one up, but it really wouldn't have surprised me if someone had asked me that!) In addition to all the insanity, I did have some wonderful family and friends who actually gave me some excellent and helpful advice. If they ever mentioned sleep, however, I missed it.
When Maia was born, I had NO IDEA what we were getting into when it came to sleep. I read all the books on pregnancy, on birth, on breastfeeding, on making only organic, nutritious food for my baby. It just never occurred to me to read anything about sleep. I mean... people didn't tell me horror stories about sleep. Sure, I knew new parents were exhausted, but I assumed that babies eventually just started to sleep. I mean, it is pretty basic, is it not? Turns out not is the key.
After Maia was born and the first few days of insanity passed, we struggled with where everyone should sleep. I believed firmly (and still very much do!) in the philosophy that if you respond to the needs of your child and teach her that the world is a safe, secure place, she will believe it is a safe, secure place. Co-sleeping seemed to support this philosophy. My youngest brother recommended a wonderful book to us that he had read in an Anthropology class in college: Our Babies, Ourselves by Meredith Small. It's an intro to Ethnopediatrics (a blending of culture and medicine in looking at the health and well being of infants and children), and dealt quite a bit with co-sleeping. It made us relax and realize that it didn't matter where we all slept, as long as we were all happy with the sleeping arrangements. And so, Maia began sleeping with us. For many months it was wonderful. But at some point, I missed the window to teach her how to put herself to sleep without my assistance.
What followed was many, many, many months of working on sleep. At 2 and a 1/2, we're doing pretty well. Maia still needs someone to snuggle with while she falls asleep, which most of the time is a treat rather than a difficulty. After all, how long do our littles ones stay little?! The issue we're facing now is that when she does wake up in the middle of the night (anytime between midnight and 5am) she likes to have Mommy go back to her room to snuggle with her. There are lots of reasons, I suspect, for this, not least of which is that her room is ridiculously cold. (Seriously, you could store ice cream in there!) But in just three (give or take) months, there will be a new baby needing Mommy in the middle of the night... and as any Mommy with more than one kid has struggled with, how can I be two places at once?!
All this leads to our other activity for the weekend... big girl bed shopping. At present, Maia has a queen bed on the floor in her room. (It's actually on box springs on the floor, in case you're thinking we're idiots and she's so cold 'cause she's so low...) It's worked great for her sleep, but aesthetically it leaves a little to be desired. Then there's the fact that we need to fit a crib in her room in the hopes that she and Evie will happily share a room after the initial newborn period is over. It's not a huge room, and Daddy has been arguing for getting Maia a twin size, opening up more play space and making the room look a little less ridiculous when we cram said crib in there. Aesthetically speaking, I've been totally on board with the twin. But where would I sleep when Maia wanted me in the middle of the night? I'm not a tiny person by any means, and you add my second-pregnancy belly... there's barely room for anyone else when I'm in a queen!
I struggled with this question for weeks. (I have pregnancy insomnia and spend the time I should be sleeping, thinking about ridiculous things like what size bed we absolutely must get immediately for our 2 and a 1/2 year old.) I couldn't answer it. So... we went to the stores. We looked, and looked, and looked. And we agreed that a twin would look great in the room. But I still couldn't help worrying about what that would do to Maia emotionally... it's not like I was going to cut her off. If she wants to sleep with me in the middle of the night, she can just come sleep in my room. But I didn't want her to feel like we were taking something away, etc., etc. And then, finally, I had one of those ah-ha parenting moments: if we waited until the new baby was here and I stopped going into her bed, wouldn't she associate that with her new sister?! And wouldn't that harm their relationship?! And so, we ordered her a lovely twin bed that should be here any day. Now I just have to talk Daddy into the lovely bedding... and the lovely rug... and the...
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